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Photo Evidence of False Events

April 13, 2013

Here are a few gems I found that I forgot existed.  Be warned – there is nothing to learn here, and so you’ll experience literally zero intellectual effects by continuing down the page.

Drank a fifth of GIN, dare me to drive?


Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Eminem and myself hung out in front of a green screen and drank gin together?  Probably not because it didn’t happen.  Also, because he doesn’t like gin.  What a wuss.  See, its crap like this that you’ll do on a boring night when you live alone with no evening plans.  Thats right kids, stay in school and don’t do drugs.  Or you’ll wind up like me making faux pictures to take to work to show your boss claiming you need a day off to recover from “last night’s party with rap legend Marshall Mathers”, or worse yet Justin Beiber.  Thank God I haven’t fallen that deep yet.

That time I was in World 1-1


See, this is how I always imagined what it would be like going to work as a plumber.  I’m even kind of laughing now as I’m writing this, I feel like there is nothing wrong with this image.  I want to live there.  Life is easy!  There is money just waiting to be picked up, the flowers you pick give you fireball throwing powers, and even the drugs there would allow me to accomplish #199 on my “Must Do Before I Die” list – smash bricks with nothing but my manly fists.  Only problem would be picking up the ladies…I hear no matter how hard you look around, your Princess is always in another castle.




OK, since the following pictures were just sent to me from my buddy’s wedding night, I figured I’d share them.  Now even though these next events apparently did happen, I’m confident in posting them here as I HAVE NO MEMORY OF THEM.  Not to place the blame on anything in particular, but if I don’t remember it happening, relative to me it didn’t actually happen…similar to anything in the 70’s didn’t exist because I didn’t exist yet to experience it.  Ok its a cop out, but whatever, it makes sense in my head.


IMG_1170 IMG_1169


Grab your video cameras kids, I’m apparently flash mob ready!  Yes, this was me, leading a very happy wedding party in a community stomping to the critically acclaimed Gangnam Style.  Whats most impressive is that I actually look like I know what I’m doing here, so sadly I’d have to admit it wasn’t my first time.  Hell, it won’t be my last either.  I don’t care what you think, that song is hilarious and its dance moves coupled with the right people and the right amount of toxins always makes for an entertaining evening.  Or at least duration of the song.  Now I’m not saying I’m particularly proud of these last two pictures, but I’m also not saying I’m not.  I just know if I ever do really fall off the wagon and become a full fledged alcoholic, these are the two pictures that will be used during my intervention. I just hope when they fly me out to California for my treatment its a first class seat I’ll be getting.  I hear they serve champaign.

One Comment
  1. sman permalink

    i remembered. and cried. it was glorious. 😛

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