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Mens Weekend – the repercussions of an absence of ovaries

September 17, 2013

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Beautiful sight, isn’t it?  Lake Nutimik truly is blissful place, with its glass-like water and beautiful sun rises, it makes for the perfect getaway destination.  Also, our buddy having a cabin out there made this choice a no-brainer to host a man’s weekend since most of our cash went towards food and beverages.  And a free location is a good location.

Our guys only weekend didn’t take long to plan out, and with only two weeks in the making we had eleven of us sign on and commit – a feat that is rather unusual in our circle of friends.  This crew we managed to conjure up was quite diverse; some married or in relationships, others partially involved or single.  We all learned something new that weekend – men of all status are absolutely retarded when presented an environment without the presence of women.

Ladies, I realize now just how important you are in our lives.  Hey, I may be single, but even I admit when there is a lady present, I’ll conduct myself very differently.  Well, maybe not VERY differently, but I certainly wouldn’t agree to water boarding, a USA military torture tactic designed to gather intel simply because it “seemed fun and easy”.  The insanity didn’t stop there.  With no one to keep tabs on us we were free to run completely amuck.  And run amuck we did.

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The first night was everything you’d expect Mel Gibson’s bachelor party to be – copious amounts of thirst quenching.  Hell, by 9pm some of our famous friends were already starting to show severe symptoms of David Hasselhoff-ism.  Stories began to be told louder, and soon we had to shout to be heard through our own hearty laughter.  What we didn’t realize, is how loud we were actually being.  And what we also didn’t realize, is how much energy it takes to be that loud.  Without the nagging girlfriends, wives, and friends present, one by one we started dropping of mere exhaustion.  The picture above is taken at 11:30pm…on a FRIDAY NIGHT.

Whats worse than passing out early?  Being woken up moments later by another caveman’s bellows who’s decided he’s found his voice and wants to continue the yell fest.  Even if its with himself.  And so we’d all be woken up again for round 2.  And 3.  The whiskey never stopped, however unfortunately the water did.  Of course, some of us (me) forgot to pack water along.

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Who brought the hangover medication?  Well, ironically no one.  We were thinking too far ahead of what food/beverages to bring out, NO ONE remembered the advil.  Or even tylenol.  Hell, we’re old now, and our stomaches can only handle so much evil at a time, and not even a rolaid in sight!  It’s a damn good thing someone remembered a uhaul trailer full of buns.  This saved me my first night.  Well, this and all of Charlie’s bananas.  He had 3.  In the morning he had none.  When confronted, I told him that I ate them.  When asked what I did with the rest, I had to chuckle and reclarify that I had consumed all of them.  However if he wants any of them back, he can check the flower bed out front.  Later that day he made me buy him chocolate bars to replace his bananas.  His logic is aces.

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That was the last of the heavy indulgence for me the rest of that weekend.  Narrowly escaping a hangover, I accepted my good graces and joined the boys for eats.  Now, ladies, I’m sorry, but this is at least ONE thing guys do better than you when you’re around – cook.  We had so much food present we could have fed a small army.  Only thing we didn’t have, was the common sense to pack along bbq friendly dishes.  On the right, you can see my cousin intuitively fashioned an egg holder out of tin foil.  Worked like a charm, ladies.

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Realizing the immediate danger of wanting to swim in the lake without the presence of a life jacket, I found myself a less fashionable replacement.  On a positive note, there were no women around to see how ridiculous I looked.  The downside?  Totally forgot about the lake and sat in the hot tub with these puppies on for an hour and lost circulation in my arms.  Creativity is a curious tool.

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Capping off the weekend on our last night, this man shows up.  Not only a hero among men, this guy right here personifies the word ‘party’.  Without even the slightest conception of self preservation, this man can create a disco out of a bingo hall.  Ladies, you know how there’s that one friend that you don’t want your husband or boyfriend to hang out with because he’s a ‘bad influence’?  This man right here is that guy’s bigger, older brother.  It was high noon and a buddy and I were gearing up to hit the lake fishing.  The other guys were already out on the lake, and we were just loading into our boat when the silhouette of a bearded Gilligan walks down the dock and strolls right into our boat.  Not only were we unaware this man was even going to show up, the jerk catches a bigger bass than any of us did that day!  As for that party we had that evening, he saw to it that the boys could go just one more night with the legend.  I opted out of heavy drinking.  This man saw fit to show me what ‘water boarding’ was.

If its any consolation, this is by no means a post bragging of the misadventures we had.  If anything, it’s more to give a touch of insight to what a typical guys weekend fully entails – drinking, male debauchery, and the presence of that one man no wife wants her hubby around.  Ladies, this is a prime example of why we NEED you around.  It’s in mens nature to compete.  Even if it hurts us.  This is exactly why a ‘guy getaway’ only happens once a year.  And we’re already planning a Vegas trip in March.  May God have mercy on our souls.

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4 Comments
  1. Michelle permalink

    Totally laughing at everyone passed out in recliners by 11:30 at night. That is too early in the night for drinking. You can have your BBQ… if I’d been invited, there would have been stacks and stacks of pancakes, that’s all I’m sayin’. Oh, and I come with my own fishing rod. 😉

    Glad it was fun!

  2. I entirely agree with your analysis of the “Bearded Gilligan”. He should come with warning labels.

    • An instruction manual, and a physicians warning, too.

      • Instructions don’t help. Would be nice if the return policy lasted more than an hour of acquiring. Would have returned him as defective long ago.

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